When a friend or family member has a loved one who has died, one of the most caring and kind things you can do is send a condolence letter. By sending a condolence letter, you are providing your friend or family member comfort and sympathy. You are also sending the message that you care and appreciate their friendship enough to acknowledge their loss.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: 30 - 60 minutes
Here's How:
- When writing your condolence letter, you want to be sure that you accomplish three goals: 1) pay tribute to the deceased, 2) provide comfort to the bereaved, and 3) let the bereaved person know that you are available should s/he need your help.
- A condolence letter should be written and mailed within 2 weeks of the person's death. It should be hand written on personal stationary (if you have it). A condolence letter should be emailed only in special situations. Condolence letters should be personal and informally written.
- Your condolence letter should acknowledge the loss of the deceased. Write about how you learned of the death and how you felt when you learned of the death. Be sure to use the name of the deceased rather than referring to the person as "your friend" or "your mother". If you don't know the name of the deceased, find out.
- Include words of sympathy in your condolence letter. Let your friend or family member know that they are not alone with the feelings they are experiencing.
- Write about the relationship between the bereaeved and the deceased. If you knew the deceased, or knew of the deceased enough to provide information about the relationship between them, include particular aspects about their relationship that you know they shared together.
- Include statements about good qualities of the deceased. If you knew of special personality qualities of the deceased, make reference to them. For instance, if the deceased was a volunteer at a local hospital, you could make reference to the caring and giving qualities of the deceased.
- Mention how the deceased touched your life. If you had a relationship with the deceased, write about how the deceased touched your life. If there was something that you admired or respected about the deceased, include it in your condolence letter.
- Remind your friend or family member of his/her personal strengths. Recall a particular event where your friend or family member used his/her strength to get through that tough time. If you can recall any words or situations in which the deceased had made statements about overcoming hard times, write about them in the condolence letter.
- Finish your condolence letter by offering how you can help. Avoid a general statement, such as "Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help", as this sounds more like a necessity to include in your letter rather than a heartfelt extension of your assistance. Specifically state what you can do to help, but be sure you can and will be able to fulfill any offer you make.
- Close your condolence letter with a personal salutation such as, "You are in our prayers," or "May your heart mend and your memories stay strong,", and sign your name below.
- See also Writing Sympathy Cards and Condolences
For more information about issues related to death and dying, please visit dying.about.com.
What You Need:
- Pen
- Personal stationery or writing paper
- Envelope
- Stamp
